iEATcars!

Some time ago, Alisha and I decided to stop by CiCi’s Pizza for a cheap meal, and as we drove up to the place, we noticed two men outside the doors, pumping each other up for whatever was about to take place.

“Okay, man. Let’s do this!” one of the guys shouted to the other before they high-fived and stormed the doors.

Now Alisha and I love pizza and cheat food just as much as the next guy, but we’ve never had the urge to bump chests or slap high-fives before tackling a buffet. So the display that we had just seen… well, it was a bit odd to say the least.

When we went inside and walked up to the register, we were clued in on the goings on. CiCi’s had advertised a pizza eating contest of sorts. The way it worked was a two man team could buy in for $50, and they had to consume a 32 inch one topping pizza and a pitcher of soda in less than 45 minutes. The reward for achieving such a feat was a $500 chunk of cash and trip to the hospital to stitch your stomach back together.

These guys had decided that this was there moment. They were going to make CiCi’s pay up. Everyone waited in anticipation as they wheeled out the large pie with extra cheese, the team’s topping of choice.

“Attention customers! Tonight we have another team that will attempt to take on The CiCi’s Pizza Challenge. They are going to attempt to consume this pizza and a pitcher of soda in less than 45 minutes. On your marks, get set… GO!” announced the store manager.

And at that moment the race was on. Quickly, they each grabbed a huge, greasy slice and chowed down on what was only the beginning on the long road ahead of them. One of the men, a larger man, looked like he had some experience in eating large quantities of food, but his partner, with a body not unlike a male version of Calista Flockhart, looked like he was in for a rude awakening. There’s a good chance the most he had ate before that night was a packet of ketchup. Still, they gnawed on and inched their ways closer to that $500 pay out.

Other customers cheered them on, each of them voyeuristically sticking it to the man with their pizza consumption. One man, especially took it upon himself to be their personal coach and threw tips out at them every chance he got. If not for fear of being arrested, I’m sure he would have gave them shoulder massages and patted the sweat from their brows and the grease from their chins.

“You can do this, boys! I believe in you!”

Sadly, after about 20 minutes or so, it was evident that the Pizza Challenge was too much for them. Less than half way in, they had come to an abrupt halt, nearing the verge of barfdom. And before the clock had even reached the 45 minute mark, they had thrown in the towel.

They had admitted that they had not trained for the event; that they were very ill prepared. And after seeing the look of disappointment in our faces, they boxed up the remaining pizza and drove off into the moonlight.

Observations

I’ve noted before the odd amount of times that “spiders” was used as a search term that eventually led people to this site; now totaling 143 separate times. But there are two other search terms that are slowly gaining in my blog stats, and that’s “poop porn” and “coprophagy”.

Seriously? I write one post about Google’s attempt to provide my Grandma with poop porn, and now I’ve stepped in it, haven’t I? I’ve lead the poop fetishists to my front door.

Wonderful.

Well… welcome, coprophagy aficionados. Make yourself at home… just don’t touch anything.

Observations

Give what you have; to someone it may be better than you dare to think.

In Bed

1. Bang Bang (feat. Billy Strange) – Nancy Sinatra
2. Honey Dove – Lee Fields & The Expressions
3. Summertime – Sam Cooke
4. I Wish It Would Rain – The Temptations
5. It’s Raining – The Detroit Cobras
6. Just A Lady – Kutiman
7. Black Out – The Original Brothers
8. Federico Aubele – Den Of Thieves
9. Donde – Bronx River Parkway
10. 1976 – RJD2
11. It’s A Mans Mans Mans World – James Brown
12. Richest Man In Babylon – Thievery Corporation
13. Shove It (feat. Spankrock) – Santigold
14. Murder That Sound – Infadels
15. North American Scum – LCD Soundsystem
16. The Passenger – Iggy Pop
17. Porcelain – Moby

Record Store Blues

I’m sure all of us remember the show Cheers, and of course we remember Norm walking in on every episode and being greeted with that unanimous greeting, “Norm!”

This is one of the many shows I grew up on, and seeing that sort of place and the way they all interacted, staff and patrons alike, made this the sort of place where I wanted to go. Relationships like that didn’t happen all too often in the real world, and Cheers was, in my eyes, raising the bar for how restaurants, and all businesses for that matter, should have been; a place where the customer was valued and treated as one of their own.

These days, I still look to that template for the places I frequent. I reward places with that mental gold star every time I witness a Cheers moment. For restaurants, of course good food is crucial, but service is probably just as important, I think. And when the waitress remembers me, remembers my usual order or even remembers my name… well, it puts a smile on my face.

Maybe I’ve just been spoiled by Cheers or maybe it’s just that part of me that longs to be remembered, but that’s one of the things I always look for in a trusted diner or pub. I want to go where everyone knows my name or is, in the very least, always glad I came. Is that really too much to ask?

Well, the people at Jason’s Deli (by us) don’t seem to think so. It appears we’re on the same page, and that’s what got me thinking. Recently, Alisha and I started making that our normal Monday night spot for dinner, and on our second Monday, the staff asked, “How did you like that pizza last week?” and “Did you enjoy your salads?”

Sure, we’ve been there on occasion but this was only our second time in any sort of schedule, yet they were already remembering our orders.

On our third Monday, I was intrigued to know if they would remember again. The week before I had only ordered a potato and some soup. Surely they wouldn’t remember a simple, unassuming meal like that; nothing fancy by any means.

But I was wrong, because as soon as we walked in, we were greeted with, “Back for more, huh?” And after some quick decision making, we ordered our food after which I was asked, “No potato today? How about the soup?”

Simple words they may have been. But as busy as that place can be and with as many orders that they see in a week, let alone a day, it was made clear that they valued our business and quite quickly they had achieved the Cheers level.

Observations

Okay, yes I’m behind on this one. Truth is, I changed my mind at the last minute and created something entirely different. This is one I’ve had circling in my head for a while, and with January being the pirate month of Tampa, I thought this mix was only the right thing to do.

This is my attempt at filling a request made by a very close friend of mine, Chris, who is a pirate through and through. Enjoy, Chris.

1. Pirate Song – Alestorm
2. Pirate’s Life – The Vandals
3. Pirates of the Caribbean – Sungha Ju
4. Wolves of the Sea – Alestorm
5. Jolly Roger – Roger McGuinn
6. The Last Saskatchewan Pirate – The Arrogant Worms
7. The Gruesome Death of Edward Teach – Scissorfight
8. Skull and Crossbones – Klaus Badelt
9. Set Sail and Conquer – Battleheart
10. Ballad of William Kidd – Running Wild
11. Wenches and Mead – Battleheart
12. A Pirate Looks at Forty – Jimmy Buffet
13. Salty Dog – Flogging Molly
14. Instructional on How to Talk Like a Pirate

Record Store Blues

This is one of those stories that you might not to have open at work, just to forewarn you.

Read more…

Observations, Office Space

Title: Printer (Men’s Bathroom) Jammed

Not a day goes by without a printer jam. Can you please fix printer in the men’s bathroom?
thanks!

——-

Response: That’s not a printer. It’s a toilet paper dispenser.

Ticket of the Day

It was there we found ourselves, giggling and people watching as we laid out on a blanket in a soothing mix of sunshine and a misty rain. Lost in each other’s eyes and embraced in our souls, we found comfort in just being. Music played in the background as the rest of the crowd ceased to exist around us, until there was a sudden hush and in complete unison, we all sang along.

Just a small town girl, livin’ in a lonely world
She took the midnight train goin’ anywhere
Just a city boy, born and raised in south Detroit
He took the midnight train goin’ anywhere

An odd mix we all were, waiting to see the pirates invade our city like they do every year. But this time it felt different. The buzz of alcohol had already set in for most, but for us, we were soaring among the clouds on a high brought to us only by the love we shared.

A singer in a smoky room
The smell of wine and cheap perfume
For a smile they can share the night
It goes on and on and on and on

As the rain drops grew, we picked up and unpacked our ponchos. The heavier rain wouldn’t keep us from the fun and excitement that we shared in the waiting. We were shot back to childhood with thoughts of the treasures we would soon receive. Some of us even came dressed up; out of place Halloween addicts that stumbled upon a whole other day to live in make believe.

Strangers waiting, up and down the boulevard
Their shadows searching in the night
Streetlight people, livin’ just to find emotion
Hidin’, somewhere in the night

Powerful booms shook the skies as the ship’s silhouette made its way for our land, firing its cannons in a steady succession. We held each other as we looked out onto the horizon and our excitement only grew more intense with each wave that crashed across their bow. The waters were choppy, but no match for these well-seasoned sea dogs. Tampa was theirs for the taking and even King Neptune himself couldn’t bring a halt to their voyage.

Workin’ hard to get my fill, everybody wants a thrill
Payin’ anything to roll the dice just one more time
Some will win, some will lose, some were born to sing the blues
Oh, the movie never ends
It goes on and on and on and on

Finally, their boots made contact on our shores, and the parade commenced. Quite quickly our anticipations and anxiousness had been met with a plethora of baubles, bangles and beads; whatever the pirates would throw us. Grown adults living in the moment, we remembered just how it felt when we were young. In all these years gone by, this one day quickly climbed the charts as we straddled the fence between then and now, and I can’t imagine anyone better to have shared that moment with.

Don’t stop believin’
Hold on to the feelin’
Streetlight people

Don’t stop believin’
Hold on
Streetlight people

Observations

In this day in age with celebrity babies being brought into the world with names like Apple, Audio and Jermajesty and non-celebrity babies with names like Nevaeh, Celica and Opal, I wasn’t all that shocked the other day at work when I came across someone named Sister.

It was an email I received from one of the faculty members of one of our partners. Standing so boldly there by itself was her signature

-Sister

I admit that I thought for a second, “Well, that’s an odd name.” But I followed that up with, “Of course there could be way worse.” And you know I’m right. Jermajesty makes Sister look as plain as Jane. As our email correspondence grew, so did the number of people involved in the conversation. The whole time, I continued to call her Sister as in “Sister was saying…” and “Sister had a good that…”

Then someone referred to her as Sister Colleen.

My thoughts here were, “Sister Colleen… must be from a country kind of family. Must be like Betty Sue. Sister Colleen. Okay.” And the email chain continued with me then using “Sister” and “Sister Colleen” interchangeably.

Then someone referred to her as Sr. Colleen.

“Sr.”? Hmm. That’s a title abbreviation… for Sister. As in nun. As in oh-my-God-she’s-a-NUN!

Okay, so wow. I should have assumed that she was a nun when I saw Sister Colleen in the very least, but in my defense, who the heck signs their emails with just their title? I don’t sign my emails as “Mister” and I don’t see doctors signing things as just “Doctor”. She was trying to trick me! That shady nun!

Office Space