February 2012
4 posts
January 2012
6 posts
“When you’re not afraid to do it wrong the first time, you’ll...”
– in bed
Watch
December 2011
3 posts
1 tag
“Your skills will accomplish what the force of many cannot.”
– in bed
Overheard Work Conversation #524
Dork: You guys get released early?
Guy: Yeah.
Dork: Party rock is in the house tonight, huh? (laughs at his own joke obnoxiously)
**silence**
Guy: Notice how I am not LMFAO?
November 2011
1 post
1 tag
“If the cake is bad, what good is the frosting?”
– in bed
October 2011
2 posts
1 tag
“Some say faith is nowhere. Others say faith is now here.”
– in bed
RIP Steve Jobs
Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes.
The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them.
About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They invent. They imagine. They heal....
September 2011
3 posts
1 tag
“Your kindness and generosity will be appreciated by others.”
– in bed
An Open Letter to The Sun
Dear Sun,
Despite how much Florida likes to romanticize its painfully suffocating relationship with you, you are seriously getting on my nerves.
In the mornings, I somehow manage to make it to work, playing bumper-cars on I-4 while fighting the sleepies and the blinding radiance that you exude. Then after spending countless hours working for the man, I drive home, reversing my path on I-4,...
If You Need Me To Point It Out, I Can.
[9/6/2011 3:00:17 PM] Hi! So this is a first…..there is a small dead possum to the right of the(by the brown door) building door entrance facing the courtyard. A bunch of flies are there and it’s gross. If you need me to point it out, I can. Thanks!
August 2011
3 posts
1 tag
“You will soon be involved in many gatherings and parties.”
– in bed
Climbing the Ladder of Success
As I was stepping out to take a lunch, I passed the VP of Sales on his way back in, and he stopped me.
“Let me read your shirt.”
We both stood there in the parking lot, silent, while he looked over my shirt with scrutinizing eyes. Now, mind you, this is not a guy that is normally known for being a nice guy or someone you’d honestly want to be stuck in a conversation with. And the last few times...
Summer Burn Mixtape
Download
Listen on Spotify
No SoundCloud option this time. Sorry.
The Truth – Handsome Boy Modeling School
The Perfect Occasion – RJD2
Hypnosis Theme (feat. Marina Quaisse) – Wax Tailor
One Past – Chinese Man
Witness (Slugabed Remix) – Roots Manuva
Used to Drive a Tractor in Negrille (Remix) – Lee “Scratch” Perry
Culture of Fear – Thievery Corporation
Murder Weapon –...
July 2011
5 posts
1 tag
“Those who wish to sing always find a song.”
– in bed
Excuse Me?
[7/28/2011 11:47:32 AM] I need a new fuzzy thing to cover my mouthpiece
Now What Am I Supposed To Do?
[7/27/2011 2:51:19 PM] When trying to access the minesweeper game on the computer, I get the following error message:
‘This operation has been cancelled due to restrictions in effect on this computer. Please cotact your system administrator.’
Please advise.
Grandma Magnet
I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s my dimple. Maybe it’s my (usually) calm demeanor. Hell, maybe it’s just because I’m super awesome, but for whatever reason, grandmas love me. And you’d think, “Well, they’re grandmas. It’s in there nature to love us.” But that’s not it. No, grandmas love me.
Sure, it started out innocent enough with the occasional “Oh, he’s such a sweet boy”, but more recently...
Borked
Subject: Application is borked
Description: Exceedingly slow. Search does not appear to function. Causes timeout. Suggest teaching the computer some respect by applying a blunt object at high speed to the side of the chassis.
June 2011
2 posts
1 tag
“Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.”
– in bed
Ah, The Smell of Strippers
As I hand him his change, he looks at the crinkled-up ten and asks, “What’s up with this bill?”
“I dunno. Does it smell like strippers? That’s the ten they gave me.” I respond.
“Actually, strippers always smell pretty nice. It must be a requirement.”
May 2011
1 post
1 tag
“A family reunion in the coming months will be a tremendous success!”
– in bed
April 2011
3 posts
1 tag
“If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.”
– in bed
The Elusive Any Key
Hi, will. This is Danny in cubicle 562. I was curious if you could come to my desk and help me find the any key on my keyboard. Um, I was told I should have an any key, and I can not… find it… anywhere. So if you could help me with the any key, that would be amazing. Again, 562 is my desk number. Thanks, Will.
This was the voicemail waiting for me when I got back from lunch today, and I...
Amish Computer Guy
Coworker: “Dude, that beard’s getting pretty big. You’re looking amish.”
Me: “I am amish.”
Coworker: “…oh… really?”
Me: “Yes. I’m amish.”
Coworker: “Oh, my bad.”
March 2011
4 posts
1 tag
“The fact that others are bad does not imply that you are good.”
– in bed
Some More Nick Burns Type S#!t
[3/25/2011 8:53:36 AM]
Customer:
Can I transfer files to another editor by unplugging my external WD hard drive and plugging it into her/his computer? Is there anything special that needs to be done other than ejecting the drive the same as a flash drive? Thanks!
Response:
I’m not sure what you mean by “ejecting the drive”, since it’s a hard drive, and there’s nothing to eject.
But,...
February 2011
2 posts
1 tag
“You have the ability to touch the lives of many people.”
– in bed
January 2011
2 posts
1 tag
“Your tongue is your ambassador.”
– in bed
Getting Sketchy
As most of you know, I spend a great majority of my free time working on graphic/web design side jobs and projects. Because my day job is anything but creative, my side work has always been welcomed. It allowed me sort of keep the creative juices flowing. The only real downfall is that I am absolutely terrible at carving out a chunk of “me” time.
Eventually I got to the point that, when left with...
December 2010
4 posts
1 tag
“Today, your charm will have them singing like birds.”
– in bed
Now That’s What I Call Friendly
On a recent trip to Orlando, Alisha and I found ourselves stopping in for a bite to eat at Friendly’s. Although we had stopped at one in De Land once to get some ice cream, we had never gone inside for the full experience. It turns out that a full out visit to Friendly’s, at least to this one, was not unlike some sort of strange sex party.
1. Costumes. Yes, seriously. This is not a themed...
Overheard Work Conversation #982
Girl 1: “… some basketball shorts… sweat socks… and sweat bands for Christmas”
Girl 2: “Yea?”
Girl 1: “Yea, I told my dad, mom’s going to love them.”
November 2010
3 posts
1 tag
“Don’t put off till tomorrow what can be enjoyed today.”
– in bed
Coffee With A Tarantula
I decided to grab a cup of coffee at the gas station this morning, and as I drove to work, listening to synthpop and sipping on my vanilla cappuccino, I was reminded of a local record store hangout from when I was in high school. Tarantula.
It’s still a funny thing to me, how our taste buds change as we get older. How we grow to love the things we could have never seen trying to consume without...
KeyboardIssues
[11/8/2010 9:05:28 AM] thespacebaronmycomputerisnotworking completely.ineedanewkeyboard.thanks.
October 2010
5 posts
1 tag
“Your life is a dashing and bold adventure.”
– in bed
Grocery Store Wrestling
On another recent trip to the grocery, I decided to step into the bathroom for a second, and yet again I was reminded on just how weird the people are in my neighborhood. Because as I stood at the urinal, with reusable shopping bags tucked under my arm, a man walks in and stands there for a moment. I didn’t turn to look over. I just stood there, finishing what I had come to do, when it had become...